1. My mood becomes far more stable if I take the freakin medication on a regular basis.
2. A partner who feels guilty about getting 'goofy' on too much wine the day before will not bring up the spat we had the day before.
3. I have developed an addiction to downloading music I can't afford onto my i.Phone.
4. Over-ripe tomatoes don't bounce (no, it was not thrown)
5. My dog is incapable of letting the neighbor's dog pass our house without going completely ape-shit.
6. It is "all fun and games until someone puts an eye out" just like mom said (not mine, a patient's)
7. Those face shields we wear in the O.R. really are necessary.
8. Blood from an artery can shoot incredibly far if the blood pressure is high enough.
9. A patient can lose an incredible amount of blood and still recover well.
10. Raw eggs don't bounce either.

I have ebola-of-the-ears. You didn't know that was possible did you? Well it is now. I have it. I am pretty sure I am going to die before noon. I came to work so they could do the post mortem and all my co-workers can stand around me and say how wonderful I was before I died of ebola-of-the-ears. They will also comment on how life-like I look, and how it's a shame I died because I had just lost 15 pounds on my diet and looked so hot. It's a shame really. I will miss me.

Vodka is clear
Vodka has calories
calories must be clear

then why am I not invisible?

discuss

my brother sent me this

In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to bitch about my weight gain (and a lot of other things, I know). Every morning when I try to find something that fits me, and nothing does, not even what fit me the day before, I swear to myself that I am going to eat several small healthy meals a day rather than the current way I feed, which looks something like I got a hot tip on a famine. By the time I get home after work, all bets are off. I cook up a big meal for the GF and me, and chase it down with too much wine. Well I may have found a way to alter that process a bit. Last night we went out to dinner with some friends we haven’t seen in a while. I had to find something to wear other than what I went to work in. News flash (for me anyway), trying on clothes immediately before dinner curbs the appetite! I’m going to try on clothes before I start cooking each night. I cook fairly healthy stuff, just way too much of it.


Yesterday a bunch of us were standing around the scrub machine (yes, scrubs come out of a vending machine) trying to get it to give us the ‘bigger’ scrubs rather than the other ones that run smaller (there are two different brands that the hospital uses, one runs larger than the other). The scrub machine is like one of those sandwich machines in the old automats, where the items go around and around and then when you pay, you slide the door open by the blinking light and get your sandwich, only we get scrubs. If the machine stops spinning and the blinking light is next to a door containing the ‘small’ scrubs, you have to wait 60 seconds for the light to go off so you can try again (the two brands are easy to tell apart even without opening the door). If I were not in such denial, I would give in, and re-program my scrub code to dispense size large scrubs rather than play scrub roulette trying to get mediums that are bigger. Yeah, right! I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

My co-coordinator is off today, I feel the need to mess with her head. Usually if one of us is off, the other texts them at the end of the day with the surgery schedule for the next day so we know what time to get to work. If we have a 7 a.m. procedure we get in by 6:30, if we have a 3 p.m. procedure we come in closer to 9 because we might be here til 8-9 p.m.
frequently we will have both a 7 a.m. and a late afternoon one so one of us comes in early and one stays late. My co-worker HATES to get up early. On weekends she sleeps until 2 or 3 in the afternoon, so getting up at 5 to be here by 6 is torture for her. I think I am going to text her and say we have a procedure starting at 6, so we need to be here by 5 on Monday morning. Now, the only type of surgery our hospital does that early is emergency surgery. We don't currently use emergency cases for research (those folk often die, and it ruins our stats. just kidding), but I'll bet Ty's left nut (tee hee hee) that my little co-worker will believe me. The question is.. how long do I let her think it's true? I can't let her actually come in that early, it would kill her, and I really am very fond of the little critter. Do I tell her on Sat it's a joke? Sunday? Only let her think it for a few hours? Minutes? I'm thinking I'll go with a few hours... any suggestions?

I had a dream last night in which I was talking to an old girlfriend. She was telling me she thought she had 'true love' with her current girlfriend, but wasn't sure. My response to her was,
"true love is 100% certainty that drunk or sober, you're calling out the right name in bed."
I don't know where I got that one from, but I kinda like it!

I got my iphone!!!! I am sooo happy. I am not going to get a damn thing done today because I must research all the cool applications to put on my phone. Any suggestions?? Oooooh, I must go play now, bye!

did you know you can make all the ring-tones different ducks? Nothing beats a good duck noise.

Monday night my GF and I went to madison square garden to see a Celine concert. I have never really been a fan of hers, I always thought she was just that overly skinny chick who married her pervert manager. Well, let me tell you, he may be a pervert, and she may be a tad skinny, but DAMN! She can really move in those spiked heels! I now have a case of Celine lust.
I didn't even want to go to the concert. I only had two hours of sleep the night before, I was tired and felt like shit. I am glad I chose to just shut up and go. Wow. She had some little kid from the Phillipines come up and sing one song with her. I don't know the kid's name, but she was on Oprah so I am sure lots of people other than me know who it is (I refuse to watch O any more). If I had a record company, I would sign this kid for the next 25 years, she was fantastic.
We finally got home around midnight (I was up for 22 hours at this point). I climbed into bed and set the alarm for 5 a.m. for work, and promptly tried to go to sleep. My GF had consumed a few glasses of wine with dinner and was feeling.. chatty.

GF: what are you doing?
Me: uh, trying to sleep?
GF: oh

I just start to drift off

GF: what's this?
Me (reaching over to where she's pointing) it's the dog.
GF: no, THIS.
Me: (feeling what she's referring to) the dog's tail
GF: but what's ON it?
Me: uh, DOG FUR!?!?!?
GF: I don't think so
Me: Ok, I'll look in the morning. Goodnight.
GF: g-night

I again begin to drift off

GF: no really, feel this
Me: what?
GF puts my hand on part of the dog's tail where there has been a bump since, oh I don't know... FOREVER!
Me: that's been there forever, if I promise to have the vet look at it can I go to sleep?
GF: yup.
Me: thank you

a few minutes pass..

GF: the UGLY vet, not the hot one.
Me: yes dear... zzzzzzz


Today I did one of those things the financial people always tell you to do, but not enough of us do. I called my credit card people and told them to remove the monthly fees and lower the interest rate or cancel the card. I paid this particular card off several months ago so I knew I could easily live without it if I had to follow through with my threat to close it. capitol one dropped the fees, lowered my rate 45% and gave me credit for the fees I have paid since I paid off the balance. So there Su.zy Orm.an, take that!

I went to the stationary/art supply store at lunch and bought myself some new gel pens and new data notebooks. Oooooo I love new pens and notebooks. Yes, I am a dork.

I picked up my new curtains Saturday, and despite the insistence of the GF that they would look stupid.... they look FABULOUS!!! Even she had to agree that they were the perfect touch to make the livingroom too cozy to leave.
So there. I will post a photo when I can get my camera functioning (bet you can't wait!)

Someone flung another snake-sized garden slug into the bitchy neighbor's yard again last night. Someone then went and rewarded herself with a beer. Proper slug distribution in an ecosystem is very important (in this case, proper distribution means - in her yard, not mine). We're havin a slug-fest!

I have finally given in and started watching Battlestar Galactica. I watched the 3 hour series premiere or whatever it was, on Netflix last night. My GF had a family thing to go to so I had the house to myself. I ate Indian food and settled in to watch BSG. I’m hooked. I don't like Starbuck though.
The Indian food was good too (made for me by my neighbor who feels sorry for me cuz none of my friends will eat Indian with me).
It was a good night

I have fallen seriously behind on my life-maintenance activities since I became all gimpy.
I have not been able to garden, shop, clean, or buy stuff and hide it from the GF. Don’t get me wrong, I have bought stuff, I just don’t have the energy to bother with my usual routine of hiding it, and gradually working it into the environment without her noticing.
I don’t go out and buy expensive stuff. I don’t buy clothes or jewelry. My retail therapy consists of tools, sculpture supplies, kitchen gadgets, spices, outdoor equipment (pocket knives, survival gear etc), and ‘as seen on TV’ crap from the pharmacy that never works. I used to bring the stuff home and just smuggle it in and stash it for a while. The GF never used to find any of the kitchen gadgets or spices while they were new enough to be identified as such, because I do 99% of the cooking. By the time she’d ask “where’d this come from?” I could respond with “have you ever looked in the cabinets?” and she would think she’d just not noticed it before. She’s terrified to look at the contents of my toolboxes or the cabinet where my sculpture supplies are located because the chaos of it all sends her into shock. When a new purchase IS discovered, the following conversation usually takes place;
GF – “Where did this come from?”
Me –“ I got it the other day at (insert store here).”
GF – “what’s it for?”
Me – “(sculpture, cooking pasta, cutting wood etc)”
GF – “you need that why?”
Me – “it’s cool. It only cost (insert small sum here)”
GF – “The cost isn’t the problem, where are you going to put it?”
Me – “with the rest of the (sculpture stuff, tools, spices, gadgets)”
GF - “you’re killin’ me. Let’s get rid off some of this other stuff before dragging more stuff in.”
Me – (going into panic mode at having to give up any of my treasures) “uh… ok.” (quickly box up a few items and stash in the garage for later retrieval.).

I am fortunate that her protests are only ever about the lack of a place to put whatever it is that I drag home (Freecycle is deadly for me), she never cares if I spend money.
Wednesday I participated in a bit of retail therapy, I bought new spices at the fancy food store, a little copper tubing at the hardware store (someday I’ll finish that fountain I’m working on), a new fake plant for the fishies at the pet store, and a flashy metallic blue cane at the pharmacy (I just narrowly escaped buying the razor sharpening thingy from the ‘as seen on TV’ section). I really wanted to go into the outdoor equipment store, but I knew I wouldn’t get out of there with anything small enough to hide for long. I have a very hard time accepting that I no longer live a life where survival gear was used daily, and good gear made a huge difference in your comfort level. Now when I buy it I tell myself “come the revolution, this will come in handy!”. And trust me, if the republicans win the election I might start the revolution myself.
I got busted on the new cane
GF - “How many canes do you need?”
Me – “it’s blue!”
GF – “yes it is”
Me – “it’s lighter, and it has a padded handle, and a thingy to put around my wrist so I don’t keep dropping it, and my heavy silver one is full of sand. (many trips to the beach lately)”
GF – (rolls her eyes and goes to see if there is any wine left).

At least I didn’t buy the ‘instant pasta cooker’ I saw in the ‘as seen on TV’ section!

I got onto the elevator at work wearing my scrubs and my labcoat, and using my cane. There were two late-teen boys already on it(their pants were down below their butts). One kid says to the other "how can a cripple be a doctor?"
the other kid says "I don't want no cripple workin on me."
I tried to stop myself, I really did. Making sure my ID badge wasn't showing I said "Don't worry, in those pants,I wouldn't bother,I'd let you die." They really didn't have much to say the rest of the ride.

Fiday night my partner and one of our pals loaded me into the car and took me down to the city to see janis Ian perform. She was great as usual. For those of you who don't like her, and want to give me shit because I do like her; kiss my ass.
Saturday I escaped the house while my partner was off with her family. I managed to drive myself the one mile to the pet store to get stuff to make more hidey-holes for my fishies because I saw babies in there when I was trying to scoop up the wounded fish to move him. I would never be able to catch the babies to put them in a nursery so I just bought a bunch of stuff they can hide in where the adults can't get them. The wounded fish (the biggest one I have) got the snot beat out of him by one of the smaller males so I put him in the nursery to keep him safe and treat his wounds. The big guy doesn't want to file charges, and he's not talking when I ask him who did it, but I am pretty sure I know who it was (Sammy).
Saturday evening I was out on the stoop talking with a neighbor who was walking her dog (my dog was off with my partner for a walk). The cranky-ass psycho bitch across the street opened up her window when my neighbor's dog woofed at a passing dog, and yelled "shut the fuck up!" out the window. My mild-mannered, grade school teacher neighbor turned around and flipped her off. I kept my mouth shut but intend to start leaving recomendations for anger management classes and psychotherapy on her door for her. I am tempted to get one of those gag letterheads from the health dept and send her notification that she needs to be tested for hep A, B and C because someone who tested posative listed her as a recent sex partner. She has been married about a year, I bet hubby would LOVE that. I am waiting until I can think of something a little less cruel, until then, I hope it burns when she urinates.

How to tell when it’s time to clean off your desk;

5. You can’t remember what color the top of your desk is.

4. Someone asks for a file, and although you know exactly where it is in the piles, you need them to hold 20 other files to prevent an avalanche while you dig it out.

3. Housekeeping walks in, and then turns and walks out without a word.

2. Something smells a little funny.

1.Security walks by and stops to ask if anything was taken, or just rifled through.


So guess what I’ll be doing between cases today? I’m gonna need a shredder and a dumpster. Or one match.

So it's back to crutches or a cane. I'm going the cane route. And just cuz Syd hates them (https://adrenalinesshadow.com/?p=2666), I'm getting me one all tricked out with purple flowers! (sorry I can't insert cool links through this server, but at least I have access!).

I look forward to Cinco de Mayo every year. I love any excuse to eat Mexican food and drink tequila and mexican beer. I had the menu planned, the beer purchased (I ALWAYS have tequila) and my chili (I know, Tex/Mex not Mexican) was perfecting in the slow cooker yesterday when my neighbors started to accumulate on my front stoop where my partner was soaking up the sun, and making a dent in the beer supply. So more beers went out to the stoop, then they smelled the chili. There was then a 15 minute period where they tried to convince me that Cinco de Mayo was actually celebrated on the 4th of May, not the 5th as the name implies. By now there were 7 people clamoring for chili. I lost the battle, and the chili. I did get several proposals of marriage out of it though.
Now what the hell am I going to feed them with the tacos and other munchies tonight? Somebody better bring some more god damn beer.

Fucking hilarious!
http://au.news.yahoo.com/080422/15/16ktt.html

I never managed to fall asleep last night, everything hurts too much, even my freakin hair hurts. I feel like a giant bruise. I finally got out of bed at 4 a.m. and got ready for work. I took the 5:18 train and then forced myself to walk to work from Grand Central. I have to admit that between 5 and 6 a.m is the best time to walk in NYC. There are fewer people on the streets(but still a big number). All the building supers are out hosing down the sidewalks and polishing the doors. They almost all give you a cheerful "good morning" as you go by. I usually stick to Park ave or the other more residential avenues because that's where all the pretty trees are (all in bloom now), and that's where you get to pet the most doggies. I swear 90% of New Yorkers have dogs(which explains the need for the sidewalks to be washed each morning).

I'm on my 5th cup of coffee and it's barely 9 o'clock, probably not a great sign.

The crazy chick I work with that wasn't speaking to me, appears to be speaking to me now, I have no idea what changed.

To entertain myself today, and to keep me awake, I have desided to resume torturing my co-worker. She goes to the bathroom ALOT, so this leaves ample oppotunity to change her screensaver to naked people, hide her chair in another office, unplug her mouse etc.
I need more coffee.