Last night I went next door to my nutty neighbor's to put together her new entertainment center that she ordered. I unpacked each piece and got everything in order. I caught nutty neighbor looking at the instructions with a hammer in her hands. me - "what are you doing?" NN - "I'm going to help." me - "uh, no." NN - "why can't I help?" me - "first, you are ready to start hitting things with a hammer. We are not at the hammer part yet. Second, I work alone. If you want to help, keep my wine glass filled and entertain the dog (my dog went with me)." NN - "ok, but can I hang on to the hammer for a while?"
Later, my GF showed up. NN - "she won't let me help." GF - "no sh#t, get used to it." (then seeing hammer in NN's hand) "she let you touch the hammer? you must have fed her."
She had fed me, sausage and peppers, yum.
I loved when they would ask me, from the couch and full of wine "are you sure that piece goes there?"
Needless to say, it looked fabulous when I was finished;)

8 Things to never let your friends or neighbors know about you,
1. you are not afraid of mice (or other rodents)
2. you are not afraid of bugs
3. you have tools, and can use them (minds out of the gutter girls).
4. you can cook
5. you can lift heavy things
6. you can put together sh&t they ordered on-line
7. you are not freaked out by the sight of blood or pus
8. you are home


My neighbor, of the great mouse murder of 2008 (post from Jan 23rd, can't get link to embed), saw another mouse saturday morning and was in my apt in a flash, too frightened to return to her apt until I made sure the mouse was not up there waiting to bite her. This then freaked out my GF (also terrified of mice). My GF and neighbor then hatched a plan. They would go to the hardware store and get steel wool, crack-filler, mouse traps etc, and then while they sat in the freakin car, I would go into my neighbor's apt and mouse proof it and set traps, then they would hide in that apt while I did the same in our apartment. Why is the one person not bothered by the mouse having to do the work? Once I was done with that, I had to dash over to another neighbor's apt to have her show me what ointments to put in her dog's pus-filled eye while she is away this week. When I get back to my apt, my GF and neighbor present me with 3 wireless doorbells to install (a construction guy cut the wires to all of ours last year by mistake). My GF and I live together, but it was originally 2 apartments and since she's not 'out', we let people think we still use them like separate apts, (requiring one doorbell each). So, they tell me they have the bells all set up, I just need to mount them (minds out of the gutter again people!). I put up the bells. My neighbor (I guess I'll start calling her NN for nutty neighbor)pushes the button on hers, and all three ring. my GF and NN begin laughing so hard, that NN pees in her own shoes. No kidding, right there on the front stoop, filled her fuzzy-lined imitation croc-like shoes to the top. I reset the frequencies on the bells and went to take a shower. Mid-shower, who comes running downstairs cuz she saw a spider upstairs? I quit. I'm not even butch! I already ruined my manicure stuffing steel wool into cracks. I've had it. Deal with your own spiders for a while. I just want to shave my legs in peace.

I feel terrible. I had to put a mouse out of it's misery last night. My neighbor called, all freaked out "are you afraid of mice??" me- "hell no."
her- "I caught one in a glue trap and don't know what to do with it!! It's screaming!" me (heavy sigh)- "I'll be right there."
The poor mouse was stuck to this trap, fighting like hell, all of it's little legs dislocated from trying to fight, it's screaming, my neighbor is freaking, my GF (also freaking) follows me over there, with our dog who now wants to have the mouse for a snack. I pick it up and take it outside. There is no freeing or saving this little critter, it needs to be put down. I have never intentionally killed an animal myself (insects, yes, maybe fishing as a kid). I had to kill it, no one else was going to do it. So I did it. I feel terrible. I was so angry at my neighbor for putting me in that position. I realize that the fact that I am a meat eater makes me an animal killer, and I do kill bees or huge spiders in my house that I can't easily escourt out the door (allergic to bee stings and spider bites), but killing an animal like that broke my heart. If I had to kill the critters I eat with my own hands I would end up a vegan or starve to death. I know this makes me a hypocrit and a big wus, but they make humane mouse traps for a reason!
I would however, happily flip the switch on an electric chair if it had a rapist or child ab#ser in it. Go figure.

Picture it..It's 2 in the morning, I am in the bathroom, rethinking the choice I made several hours ago to eat the hot sausage and the stuffed hot peppers (ok, you might not want to picture it, but I'm telling you anyway). I have no contacts in, and my glasses are on the bedside table. I see a blurry object move across the bathroom floor. It's huge. I have bare feet and can't see well. I don't want to step on it because of the bare feet situation, I cannot see well enough to find something to hit it with. I have to go with the weapon that strikes fear into the heart of every creature... the dreaded wad of tissue!!!!  I ready my weapon, I creep close. The blurry creature becomes more clear. It is the biggest damn spider I have ever seen outside of a pet store or zoo. It was dark brown and furry!!!!  I do not usually like to kill non-human things if I don't have to, but this thing looked big enough to really hurt my dog if they ran into each other, and I was in no shape or mood to try and coax it outside. We sized each other up, I bobbed he weaved, he weaved I bobbed. Round and round we went, each looking for our chance to strike. Finally, he stumbled over the edge of the scale and I saw my chance! I grabbed it with the tissue and the damn thing fought back! No lie, this thing struggled in the tissue until I finally grabbed some more tissue and snapped it's head off and flushed it.  I went back to bed and my GF asked "everything ok?" I informed her that I had just saved her life and she could go back to sleep. She kissed me and said "My hero."  She has no idea how close we had come to being spider food!


Wed night watch Lar.ry Kin.g Live,  my favorite boss is being interviewed(along with some victims of awareness during anesthesia) and the filmed a bunch of O.R. background stuff and I am his patient for the shots. They may edit it all right out, but if they might show me with some sensors on my head!