Someday I hope to find a job that doesn't BORE THE SHIT OUT OF ME after two years. I don't know how people stay at jobs for 10+ years without slashing their wrists. I am so fucking bored it's not even funny. How many knee operations can you sit through? How many freaking data points can you collect? How many freakin reports can you write? I have a continuing review due today for a research project that is in progress (you have to get approval every 12 months to keep a study going). I just want to send the IRB a memo saying "same shit as last year, just different patients." I SO don't want to write the damn review.
We have one study that is really cutting-edge, new technology developed by my favorite boss. This stuff is really going to change the world of anesthesia. Even that isn't holding my interest anymore.
I know that each fall I get a little restless, and the weather in NY right now is very autumn-ish. I am hoping this feeling will pass soon, before I do something impulsive, like change jobs, or join a cult.


Last night I finally took 2 minutes and posted two picks of my dog (below),
cute isn't she? She is nowhere near as innocent as she looks though. She starts fights, she chases children, she hides chewy-bones in my shoes, and sticks her soggy paw in my mouth when I am sleeping. But she sure is cute!

I need some excitement. My life has become so dull you couldn't cut warm butter with it. I need something that is either cheap, free, or makes me money, without taking too much time away from my dog or GF. I have thought about getting EMT training and working a few shifts a month per diem. I love a good emergency, gets the adrenaline going. Of course I could save the training fee and just go around causing the emergencies, that could be fun, but since I wouln't do well in jail (orange jumpsuits clash with my hair)I think I'll have to forgo that temptation. Any ideas??

 

1. The sound of my bones snapping back into place when I got out of bed Sat morning woke up the dog (and she looked pissed!).
2. The loud groan I heard as I took the first few steps was coming from me.
3. I had to have an entire cup of coffee in me before I could make out what my partner was saying to me (until then it sounded like “la la la, la looly la”).
4. When I finally understood that what my partner was asking me was “what do you want to do today?” all I could think of was “sit on the couch and watch T.V.”
5. I seriously considered having the dog walk herself.
6. While kayaking I just paddled out into the ocean and bobbed in the surf for an hour rather than join my friends in a race around the lobster pots.
7. I was not hung-over; this was the morning after doing NOTHING!

Have I mentioned that a little over two months ago I stopped believing in any sort of higher power/God(s)/Goddesses? It hit me like a ton of bricks while driving to my folk’s house in NH. Up to that day I had always believed in some sort of higher power. I imagined it to be a Mother Nature type position, and the goal was to try and keep everything in balance with nature (hence my love of biology), for the good of the planet. I used to feel like there was some sort of grand scheme. Eventually good would win. In a heartbeat that belief/comfort was gone. Good won’t win. Good will be obliterated. Nothing will stop humans from terrorizing and torturing every other living thing on the planet, till nothing is left but rock, covered in our disrespect. It is a very cold, empty sensation. I used to walk in the woods or sit by the ocean and feel an incredible boost to my spiritual energy. Now when I go to the woods or the water all I feel is the life draining out of everything. Even back in the old days when I suffered from suicidal depression, I never lost my faith in ‘nature’ I had just lost my ability to participate in it. Now I haven’t a scrap of faith left. It’s a horrible sensation. It’s been a very sad thing for me.
Now don’t go calling an intervention on me, I am not depressed or ready to jump off the ledge. I am just sad at the loss of what used to bring me comfort.

Ok, so the Invisalign braces came off last month. Now I want what puberty never gave me. A set of C cups. I have decided to grow my hair out to shoulder length again also. I might even go a more wild red than it is now. The hip is healing so I hope to be able to start working out again soon. I am scaring the sh*t out of my girlfriend. She is not sure what has come over me, and she's not sure she likes it! I'm sure she'll like it if I go back to the flat abs I had when we met (although she has NEVER complained about the loss of them).
My folks were here for the weekend. We had a really good time. We ate lots-o-food. They helped me finish up at my old apartment so now all that remains is to haul the garbage to the curb on trash night.