Sunday night after returning from seeing Young Frank.enstien on Broadway (excellent show btw), my stomach began to send complaints to my brain. By 10 pm the complaints were, shall we say.. explosive? I spent most of the night playing customer service rep to my digestive tract, and when the alarm went off Yesterday morning I almost cried. I felt like a fat garden gnome on a pogo-stick had been bouncing on my abdomen all night. The GF finally talked me into calling in sick and I slept til 10:30. I was a slug on the couch almost all day but was feeling much better by about 3 so I did a little laundry and got some stuff ready to make for dinner when GF came home. My GF has an unbelievably stressful job and she didn't get home until after 7. When she saw I had done her "dainties" and made dinner, I got treated like I was some sort of goddess! How cool is that? Sit home like a slug and still get treated like I am god's gift? I could get used to this. And she KNOWS I wasn't that sick, I made that perfectly clear to her. My GF rocks!

This Sunday will be my 7 year anniversary with my GF. No sign of a seven year itch on my part, don't see evidence of one on her part either. I still get little butterflies in my stomach when I go to meet her somewhere for dinner or something and I see her come through the door, and she ALWAYS smiles when she sees me. So I guess things are still pretty great. Ok, enough sappy stuff.

Tourist season is starting here in NYC (actually it starts tonight with my cousin from Bermuda)so I feel it necessary to post the 'tourist rules according to Otter'
1. If you must look up and oooh and ahhh over the big buildings, do so from the curb or against a building, not in the middle of the f%cking sidewalk! This rates one slap and a shove.

2. When you exit the subway, do not stop on the top step, take out your map and begin to try and figure out which way is uptown. This blocks those of us with places to get to from leaving the subway, and gives us permission to run your dumb-*sses over. This rates a kick in the *ss, and footprints on your back.

3. The shuttle train goes back and forth between Times Sq. and Grand Central, that's it, one stop. If you ask me three times if it goes to the Empire State building, I am allowed to smack you, three times.

4. I will happily tell you how to get somewhere if I know where it is. If I do not know (NYC is a big place), do not look at me like I must be retarded, cuz you didn't know where it was either bozo. This rates a smack and a toe-stomp.

5. If you take out your wallet in public and count your money out in the open, I will be forced to take it from you just to show you how f&cking stupid you are. This rates a minimum of 5 smacks and a shin-kick.

6. Do not 'sight-see' while crossing the street, this transforms you from tourist, to traction. This rates tire marks and a kick in the head.

7. Don't ask me where the h.oo.kers are. This rates a kick in the nuts.

8. Don't ask where the park is that was in that one particular episode of L.aw & O.rder. there are about 50 parks here, pick one. Two slaps and a dumb look.

9. Not everyone here is on vacation, some of us are trying to get to or from work, do not travel in a big bunch, blocking the whole damn sidewalk and moving at the pace of a disabled snail. Everyone gets a smack, a shin-kick, and a F-you

more rules will be posted as the season gets going and people annoy me more.