SO.. HUNG..OVER....
I am not into football, but it turns out I am into Patrone.
Kill... Me... please...


Speaking of which... I had a dream last night that I committed suicide by blowing my brains out. It was the non-leathal kind of suicide because they stitched my head (and my foot for some reason) back together, and then I had to clean up my own brains from the leather couch of where ever I was. Everyone was saying "wow, you committed suicide, I would not have predicted that."
So I was walking around, interacting with people, but I was dead. WTF?
Of course, thanks to the Patrone, I AM walking around interacting with people and still qualify as dead. Hmmm.

Seems like going of the medication wasn't the greatest idea I've ever had...

I don't know how I am going to fight the weight gain back on the meds, but off the meds I want to fight everyone in sight. Seriously, I almost decked a guy on the train yesterday just for shoving his way onto the train as the doors were closing and almost knocking me over. Now it's true he was an asshole, but decking him would have likely got me arrested. Not good.

Someone get me a glass of water please...

Many moons ago, during a failed attempt at dieting, I developed an allergy to eggs. What did I eat this morning on my first day of my new diet? Hard boiled eggs. I now have a lovely rash on my face, I puked, and I have a case of the scoots. The really sick thing is, I am hungry again.

Note to self... if you take 1/2 a sleeping pill on Friday night, don't have mimosas with brunch on Sat. because you will then call your folks and gab for an hour and NOT REMEMBER ANYTHING YOU SAID! You will also have a big ol' fight with your girlfriend.

5 things that tipped me off to the fact that I am now a geezer..

5. 10 p.m. seems late to me
4. I haven't the slightest idea who the people on entertainment tonight are.
3. I found myself buying 'comfortable' underwear.
2. The pain following physical therapy makes me almost not want to go and have my 20-something PT gal tie me up and lie on top of me.
1. I have a SODIUM hangover!!!!!

yes folks, it could happen to you. Have a high sodium, microwavable, instant indian meal, and you too can wake up feeling like you drank 5 martinis and chased em down with tequila! WTF? I am all wobbly and woosey and hung-over, FROM FOOD!!!!!!! How pathetic is that?

1. Sometimes you should heed the warning to stay out of the sun on your medication.
2. Let those with bad pms sleep.
3. No means no, or “you’re kidding me right?”
4. When the dog doesn’t want to go out to pee, she’s already done it.
5. Fish can jump.
6. It is possible to accidentally epoxy things to the top of the stove.
7. The GF does not find #6 funny.
8. In most cases, “Have you lost your mind?” is a rhetorical question.
9. Moving the garden slugs from your yard to the bitchy neighbor’s yard can be oddly satisfying.
10. You can’t look cool cruising in a hot red convertible if you are listening to show tunes.

Physical therapy took an interesting turn yesterday. My leg is finally starting to function enough that it can be moved around and manipulated. So, after some gentle warm up exercises my 20-something physical therapist with the nice body starts coming at me with a seatbelt looking thing.

Otter – uh, what’s that for?
20-something – I am going to put this strap on you.
(she said strap on and I almost cracked up in her face)
Otter – alrighty then, why?
20-something – we’re gonna snuggle.
Otter – and my insurance is going to pay for it? Things are looking up!

I was lying on the table and she wrapped this thing around her waist and then around my upper thigh. I started looking around to see if anyone else thought this was a little fresh, nobody seemed to notice. She moved the strap up my inner thigh so it was right in my hip joint. She bent my leg at the knee and pushed the knee across my body and pulled back with her hips to separate the hip joint a wee bit (I thought we did the surgery to prevent that, but who am I to argue?). At this point she is pretty much lying across my upper body.

Otter – is this even legal in NY?
20-something – well, we might not want to tell our partners.
Otter – mine wouldn’t let me come back
20-something – mine wouldn’t be thrilled either, he wonders about me enough.

So we snuggled for a bit. It must have been good for her too, cuz she doubled the amount of sessions I need to do each week with her.
I felt a little dirty when I gave the receptionist my co-pay on the way out, but I got over it.
I was laughing to myself on the way out that a cold shower might be in order, be careful what you wish for, it was POURING out. It was coming down in bucketfuls. I was soaked to the bone in seconds. I think it was the gods punishing me for being a perv.

I had the dreaded arthrogram yesterday (I went sober, stupid move). This time the injection into the joint wasn’t nearly as painful as last time. This doctor used a local anesthetic first, and here’s the important part.. LET IT START WORKING before he shoved the huge honking needle into my hip. All was well; I was snoozing happily in the MRI (no claustrophobia here!), when the local anesthetic wore off. The tech said I went from snoring to whimpering in 2 seconds flat. Of course as soon as I was awake enough to realize I was whimpering, I stopped. Can’t have people thinking I’m a total wuss. I hope to have my results tomorrow.
I should have stayed home from work today apparently. My boss saw me at rounds this morning and said “why are you here?” I told him that I wasn’t aware that coming to work today was optional. He just shook his head. I wish I had thought of staying home. Stupid Otter, stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
The dog got her rabies shot yesterday (I got to see the incredibly hot vet!) and she is taking today off to recover, she didn’t even get up to pee this morning when I got up. She didn’t bark when her archenemy went by the house at 5:45 this morning either. I just talked to my GF and she said that the pooch didn’t even chase squirrels on her walk this morning. Rabies shots must suck.
I guess I should go do some work since I was stupid enough to show up.

How pathetic is this? There is a stomach virus going around work, not a really bad one, but it gives you the scoots for days. I found myself almost hoping to catch it so I’ll lose a pound or two.
I re-injured my hip and have had to stop walking to the train or to work from Grand Central. This has contributed to putting on a few more pounds. I just ran into my orthopedic doc in the operating room and he saw me limping again. He’s sending me to rehab to try and build up all the muscles so I will.. get this… recover from the surgery more quickly! Me no want surgery. I’m going to go and do the rehab and see if it reduces the pain at least. Right now I’m going in search of an ice-pack.

Note to self: don't eat the soup at work or you end up with a number 7 from the chart Syd sent you.

I learned a few things last night not to do when my GF has pms;
DO NOT..
10. Tell her she's cute when she has pms.
9. Pop out from behind a door and say "boo!"
8. Follow her into the kitchen and try to kiss her.
7. Put the bags of stuff you bought at the pet store on the counter, and leave them there.
6. Breathe.
5. Let the dog back in the house with wet feet.
4. Put the damp dog towel.. anywhere.
3. Leave your shoes in the middle of the floor.
2. Stare at 'the twins'.
1. Try to touch 'the twins'


Other not fun stuff from last night is that yet another couple we are close with, told us they are leaving NY, NEXT MONTH! They put their house on the market last week, and it sold yesterday for above the asking price. We have lost at least 5 couples we are friends with, to states with better standards of living. The really sucky part is that this couple would like us to move to NH with them, but I'll never get my GF away from her family in the Bronx. I would LOVE to get the hell out of NY (although I would really miss the coffee-cart coffee).

My GF was just leaving to spend the day with her folks yesterday when she hesitated and said "when you pick up your bike today, you might want to put it in the garage so you can just ride right out, rather than have it folded up in here.." translation - don't put the dirty bike in the living room or I will be unhappy. So I went to pick my new folding commuter bike up from the bike shop where it was getting a tune-up and safety check. The bike was fairly new when I got it last week (from a freecycler) so it was very clean, no dirt on the tires or anything. So I figured, why not bring it in the apt for a bit and admire it and practice folding it etc.? Bike, Otter, living room. not a great idea. Turns out I couldn't resist taking it for a little spin. I wonder when the GF will notice the missing candle holders and knick-knacks that were on the book case before I hit it.

So yesterday I got a response on freecycle ( a website to get free stuff from people who don't need it any more). I posted that I was looking for a folding commuter bike. So this guy contacts me, he has one and I can have it. With freecycle you usually have to go to them to pick it up, since it's free. So he says he'll meet me with it at the train station by his apt at 6pm. His apt unfortunately is in a really sketchy part of the South Bronx. He says there is a police station at the top of the stairs from the train, and we can meet on the steps of the station. I was a little uneasy, but heck, a $300+ bike for free? It was a pretty risky idea to go to a really bad area to meet some guy I don't know, but I never claimed to like playing it safe.I agree to meet him. I was not carrying my pocket knife yesterday, and anyway, any hoodlems I was likely to encounter would have either bigger knives, or guns. So what could I take as a weapon? What would really scare the crap out of someone, more than a knife? I'll tell ya what, a little nutso white chick coming at you with a loaded syringe! With a huge needle on it! So I loaded up a syringe with saline, stuck an 18 gauge needle on it, stuck it in my coat pocket and headed out. Well let me tell you, it was a damn good thing I put it in my pocket and not my bag, cuz for the first time since they started doing it (after 9/11), the police picked MY bag to search in the subway station by my job. So anyway, I get to the Bronx, I meet the guy, he's really nice, he gives me the bike, we shake hands, and off I go. Now you cannot take full sized bikes on the trains during rush hour, but they look the other way when it comes to the folding kind. So I folded that puppy up, and headed down to the train. This thing is not light! Down to the train, up fron the train (4 flights cuz it was the #6), over to the met north train, up 2 flights to the platform, get off at my station, one flight down to the road. I will not need to go to the gym for a week after that (not that I was going to anyway). So now I can ride to the station in the morning, take my bike on the train to Grand Central, and then ride to and from the hospital rather than spending $ on the subway (subway fees and met north fees went up on the first).
I got home and my GF says "where did you have to go to pick up the bike?" I could have lied and saved myself the next part "you went WHERE????" she was not happy about it and seemed a little miffed at me for a while, but hey, I got a bike!

Some people have rowing machines in their homes. Some people even have them in their living rooms. So what would be so bad about putting my kayak up on saw horses in the living room so I can work out and practice paddling? No new equipment to buy, just tape some packets of Goya yellow rice to the blades for weight, or tie bungies to them and to the armchair for resistance, and away we go! Somehow, I don't think the GF is gonna appreciate the sheer genius of the idea.

You need to consider cutting back on the wine when your neighbor e-mails you asking for the lyrics to the 'birdy-song' that you performed the other night after dinner. You know, the one you did right after your Arnold Swartz-enwhatever impersonations.
This made me somewhat uneasy for several reasons.
1. I do not remember doing impersonations of Arnold (but I have in the past, so whatever)
2. I definately do not remember performing the 'birdy-song'.
3. the birdy song is generally performed n-a-k-e-d.

need I say more?

So the GF comes home from the store with several bags of food and a bunch of non-perishables. I take all the stuff that needs to go in the fridge and head to the kitchen with it. I put everything where it belongs except the meats, which I am going to use the food sealer on. I pull out the food sealer and am almost done packaging up the portions of meat when I notice the GF in the doorway. "why are you doing that now?"
"uh, cuz if I put it in the fridge or freezer first, I'll forget or just not feel like doing it and it won't get done."
"there's a whole bunch of other stuff to be put away"
"nothing that won't keep a few minutes right?"
"I just hate it when you start something before you finish something else"
this is where I should have shut up...
"so don't watch me then."
I am SOOOO not getting any tonight, or tomorrow night I'm sure.

 It’s not my fault that they don’t make a cart/stand/rolley-thingy that fits all of our experimental equipment and doesn’t take up too much room in the O.R. We had to build one from broken equipment we scrounged from the hospital basement. It had to be tested prior to putting a gazillion dollars worth of equipment on it right? It goes zoom! The secret is putting four sets of small wheels rather than just four larger wheels. And lots of WD-40. I have to go get it sterilized now, back later

I have 15 hours to shake this bug. We launch our kayaks into the sound just before midnight, so we are out in the deep dark water when midnight hits. What could be better? Ok, s.e.x in the ocean at midnight.. but we will be with a whole group, and I just don't share (or show).  I have to get my temp back down before I get home from work or the GF won't let me kayak. Ok, she can't really stop me, but she can be dissapointed in me, which is much worse, and will lead to her wearing a turtleneck tonight rather than the really low-cut sweater I love so much.

My dog got me a slow-cooker for xmas and I made the world's best chili yesterday. We just sat around the house, watching tv, snuggling on the couch and smelling the chili cook. It was a good day.

Saturday while we were out running errands my GF says "let's just stop at the dealership for a minute, I want to see the new two door-version of my car since I have to turn mine in soon. I just want to look, I swear."
4 hours later,She has ordered her new car and I am in a car dealership coma. Taking me to a car dealership or furniture store is like taking a 5 year-old to the bank while you negotiate a mortgage.  And let me tell you, those sales people don't appreciate it when you play hide-and-seek with the other bored children in the showroom.
Thank god my GF's ex set the bar really low, because as we left my GF said "thanks for being so patient, I'm sorry it took so long."  Patient??? I love my GF:)

 Note to self... when someone you have to see every day, who is a total idiot says "somedays I really think I really am just stupid"  do not respond!!! I repeat DO NOT RESPOND!!!!!

What I learned this weekend
1. My house keys do not float.
2. My dog does not always find me amusing (neither does my girlfriend).
3. Some people think the garage is a better place for a kayak than the living room.
4. A Honda CRV gets taller when you try to put something heavy on top of it.
5. Possums, do not take constructive criticism well.
6. The THULE people are evil.
7. I need WAY more sleep than I am getting.
8. There are a limited number of ways one should bend an arm (particularly your own).
9. Once in them, 3-4 foot seas look and feel like 6-7 foot seas (me like!).
10. $14 for a paddle leash is a good investment.